oh yes, and there he is
but he didn't say, i miss you like crazy katie
and i knew if i was as stubborn as always
or didn't initiate the conversation he would be gone in a matter of moments
& he was

that night was so hard
to have small, unsubstantial reminders of him everywhere
with the boy standing next to me wearing the same smell

to reach into his neck and breathe in, my eyes closed
i was so far from where i wanted to be, i knew it was only temporary
but at that point in time it felt like much more than just, like

my minds thoughts played through my dreams, as always
him visiting me but that boundary being in the way,
never being as close as we should
never touching hands
&never meeting lips

uhm, maybe if you....
he stopped me mid sentence making me regret having ever pressed send
no, no more scenarios.

but if i could just rest my eyes upon his and steal a little something
i'm positive it would go one way or another. to feel too much
or to feel nothing.
i no longer wanted to stand inbetween knowing.

& it hurt to say goodbye
even though it was only goodbye, for now
it affected us both in different ways, but
we knew that it was meaningless

as we could never be more than
just friends.

it is here I seek refuge, my fingers missing all the keys
and my chest palpitating like never before,
of course it's miss-able; but am I missing it for all the wrong reasons?

constantly pressing that button; lighting the screen to which only the time
and henry appear. I know I am not alone; truthfully. & wherever
he lay right now, I know it is this which is on his mind.

just as it is mine

but it is only anxiety which makes my hands feel as if they're closing on me
and only curiousty with what I cannot have, causes me to sit on the cliff
tempted to launch myself into something else, something very dangerous

and there it was, my demise
the inevitiablity that I had left this problem too long
and denied it for even longer that now there was only one cure
& for both of us, it was the last path we wanted to take.

if he could just be there, when I needed him most
and never there if I felt, loved enough, to last a day or more
maybe if he hid secrets in places around the garden,
it would be something for me to work towards

because at this current moment

baby; how can this be love?

under some dirty words on a dirty wall.

a little bit of positivity, to break that awkward bond of lonliness
the fear of being separated, but it never being love
holding tightly to the moments that carelessly slip away
disregarding the incincerity of true emotion,
of true music.

but it's too late,
it's too late.
oh, don't you know
it's been too late for a long time.